Category: motivation

We all feel crappy sometimes. There are times we might even say we’re feeling depressed.

60 Minutes correspondent Mike Wallace defined depression this way: “Sunshine means nothing to you. The seasons, friends, or good food mean nothing. All you do is focus on yourself and how badly you feel.”

My own experience and the lessons I’ve learned from others who have gone through depressing times seems to suggest that this intense inward focus doesn’t seem to help much. I’m going to suggest 9 steps you can take to defeat depression, but first allow me to share some philosophy with you.

I read about this theory and it seems to make a lot of sense. It goes like this…….

There are essentially two impulses in the universe: contraction and relaxation. Everything, every animate and inanimate thing, is, literally, becoming more or less dense at any given moment. The ultimate denseness is a black hole, which sucks in light but gives out none.

As psychological creatures, our consciousness is always in flux between the contraction and the dissolution of the ego. Our egocentric impulses are the source of much of the work we do and the art we create, but they are also the source of tension, sickness, and despair. Our dissolution impulses are the source of our loving relationships. They relax us and prepare us to accept the ultimate dissolution of the ego, which is death.

Contraction gives us the egoistic pleasure of being loved and being acknowledged and appreciated. Relaxation gives us the exocentric pleasure of doing the loving, in our work and in our lives.

Both contraction and relaxation can deliver pleasure, but the pleasure of contraction (the pleasure of the ego) is temporary, whereas the pleasure of relaxation is the enduring pleasure of the soul.

It feels good to have people pay attention to you. But even at its most intense (imagine being a movie star), the pleasure dissipates almost as soon as the attention shifts away. And when the pleasure of the ego leaves, a vacuum of sadness takes its place.

It’s like taking drugs. The effect is temporary. It’s addictive. It leaves you wanting more. And each time you get more, it is not enough. Eventually, it kills you.

“Enough of all this deep thinking,” you say. “What does this have to do with me?”

Just this: The next time you are feeling depressed, sad or angry, recognize that there is a way to become happy again: relax your ego.

Here’s how:

1. Accept the fact that it is perfectly normal to feel crummy sometimes.

Despite your core strengths and your many accomplishments, you will occasionally find yourself down in the dumps. It’s natural for people to feel that way.

2. If you are upset because of something you did to yourself, forgive yourself.

It’s okay. What matters is what you do next, not what you just did.

When I recognize that my mood is being affected by my own prior actions, I say to myself, “It’s okay that I’m angry. But I don’t have to be. I can get through today. And I can have better discipline or make wiser choices tomorrow.” That’s what I tell myself, and it helps me feel better instantly.

3. If you are upset because of something someone else did to you, take a chill pill.

Count to 10. Recognize that you can’t control the behavior of other people. The only thing you can control is your response to their behavior. Nobody can take that away from you.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space,” said Viktor Frankl, author of Man’s Search for Meaning. “In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Getting upset when your family, friends, or colleagues made a mistake doesn’t do you any good. And it will make you unproductive, unhappy, and unpleasant to be around. Try learning to turn the other cheek. The moment you can stop resenting others for their shortcomings, you’ll likely feel better about yourself.

It’s amazing how well this works.

4. Don’t allow unrealistic expectations to interfere with your relationships.

Accepting people for who they are does not mean allowing them to make your life miserable. On the contrary, it means being realistic, realizing that 90 percent of the time a person’s fundamental characteristics cannot be changed. If you find a certain behavior unacceptable, you change the way you deal with it (something you can do) instead of trying to change the person (which you can’t do).

5. If you are upset because of circumstances beyond your control, take a double dose of chill pill.

You can deal with your troubles more effectively if you define them as “problems” (which can be solved) or “predicaments” (which can be coped with).

6. If you are unhappy at work, find a way to care about what you’re doing.

As Albert Camus said, “But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?” You won’t experience happiness if you work at a job you hate or if you do poor work on a project you like. But if you learn to care about the work you do, you will find that your energy will improve and you will start to enjoy it.

7. Engage in some sport or challenging exercise – something that is so demanding you can’t do it while thinking.

Walking, stretching, and yoga are great forms of exercise. If you do them with a tranquil mind, they will make you healthy and happy. But if you do them when you are sad and feeling sorry for yourself, they will give you no relief. It’s more likely you will forget about the exercise and focus on your negative thoughts. That will make things worse. Try an exercise that demands your attention. For me, that’s golf.

8. Recognize that the health of your body has a great deal to do with your mood.

If you are feeling bad much of the time, you probably need to make a few lifestyle changes. For example:

• Eat healthy. Eating too many carbohydrates will make you crazy, cranky, and tired. To have consistent energy all day, use food like fuel. Try eating six smallish meals a day, avoiding junk food and favoring healthy fats, veggies, fruit, and plenty of protein.
• Sleep and rest adequately. For me, adequate sleep is a major contributor to feeling good. Studies show that people who get seven good hours of sleep a night live longer, suffer from fewer illnesses, and achieve more because they have more energy. If you get tired during the day, take a short nap.

9. Take positive steps to focus “outward” instead of “inward” – to pay less attention to yourself and more attention to others.

A few examples:

• Make your friends happy. Smile when you see them. Listen to their stories. Become the person they turn to when the chips are down.
• Be a reliable and steady resource for your work colleagues. Help them achieve their goals, not because you want them to reciprocate in some way but simply because you care about them and want them to succeed.
• Do something for someone you don’t know: a stranger you meet, a foster child, or a sick or poor person who can benefit from your help.

Make this outward focus a natural part of your daily life. Do it purposefully and deliberately until it becomes second nature. You will know when that happens because you’ll be feeling happy most of the time, and when you become sad or angry, you’ll be able to get over it quickly and easily.

Is it true that metabolism decreases with age?

That’s a question I get asked quite frequently.

Do you notice that last year’s clothes are tight on you or that the number on the scale reads higher than it used to?

Whether that happens because of a decrease in metabolism or sloppy nutrition and decreased physical activity, it seems true that with each passing year, most people gain weight.

We hear a lot about childhood obesity numbers increasing. However, the adult rates are alarming as well. In the U.S. 35 percent of adults are obese and over 67 percent overweight or obese.

Some research suggests that susceptibility to permanent weight gain seems to be highest during adolescence, pregnancy, and midlife for women and the period after marriage for men. For most, the weight gain doesn’t end in middle age. Researchers say this is due to an “energy imbalance.”

The concept of energy imbalance is easy to understand: eat more calories than you burn and you will gain weight. Eat fewer and you will lose weight. With 3500 calories in a pound of fat, it doesn’t take much to put on a pound or two per year. It could be as little as a two extra sodas every month or a few too many neglected 20-minute evening walks.
But what is metabolism’s role in age-related weight gain?

It turns out that for most people, age-related weight gain is due in large part to a dramatic decrease in calories burned. While lower levels of physical activity play a large role in the decreased energy expenditure, an age-related decline in metabolic rate is also to blame.

A study evaluating total energy expenditure (TEE), which includes your metabolism, plus the energy required to digest and absorb food, and physical activity, confirmed what most people already know: energy expenditure decreases with age.

Basal metabolic rate, which accounts for about 50 to 70 percent of TEE, is thought to decrease about one to two percent per decade. That is, after a person reaches 20 years old, daily energy expenditure decreases about 150 calories per decade. The decline is probably due to decreased muscle mass (which is highly metabolically-active) and increased fat mass (which is relatively metabolically-inactive).

This decline seems to be most rapid after age 40 in men and 50 in women.

To sum it up,, the number of calories burned per day decreases with age. This reality is widely accepted and is even built in to formulas that estimate resting energy expenditure.

BUT, and this is a BIG BUT, while a small decrease in daily energy expenditure is probably inevitable, with a committed fitness program, “aging” adults (anyone over 20 years old) can avoid sizeable decreases in metabolic rate.

So what’s the key to fighting age-related weight gain and a declining metabolic rate???

Incorporating these elements into a committed fitness program!

1. Strength training and muscle building to maintain metabolically active muscle mass.
2. Cardiovascular physical activity to maintain a high level of energy expenditure and prevent increased fat mass.

That’s why I focus on those topics in so many of these blog posts!